Funnies

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.

A teenager sat down next to him. He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet.

The old man stared. Whenever the teen looked, the old man was staring.

Finally, the teenager said sarcastically: "What's the matter, old boy, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied :" Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. Just wondering if you were my son."

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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone, see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

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A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for John to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" The mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress." The daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"John loves me to wear this dress." She explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours. He can't get enough of me".

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing, " he said. "What's for dinner?"

Auntie tips (12)

Tip 1:
Don't drain pasta too thoroughly after boiling. Leave 3 or 4 tablespoons of the liquid in the pot and stir in sauce. The liquid helps the sauce to cling to the pasta so it is more tasty.

Tip 2:
Do not wrap foods containing natural acids such as tomatoes, onions and lemons, in aluminium foil. A chemical reaction caused by the acids and the foil can affect the taste of the food, so use plastic wrap instead. Salty foods can cause foil to rust.

Tip 3:
To prevent those tiny beetles - or rice weevils - from multiplying in uncooked rice, place a few dried chillies in the rice bin.

Tip 4:
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a plastic bag and toss the flowers in. Shake vigorously. The salt will help to remove dust and dirt from the flowers.

Tip 5:
Use air freshener to clean mirrors. It leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

Tip 6:
Spray a little perfume on light bulbs for a lovely soft scent when the light is turned on.

From : Simply Her - Feb 2007, Mar 2007

Herbed potatoes

I had these 3 poor potatoes that had been staying in my fridge for quite some time. So since I was feeling quite sick of outside food, I decided to find a way to get rid of the potatoes. Came across this recipe and decided to make use of it as a guide to make dinner tonight. So here it is, a simple dish I came up with:

Ok, ok... I know this looks something more like breakfast than dinner. But who cares? As long as it can help me get rid of some stuffs from the fridge and fill our tummies, anything goes.

My herbed potatoes

2 servings

Ingredients:
- 3 large potatoes, peeled and cubed
- 2 medium-sized red onion, chopped
- 1/2 teaspoon of salt
- 1/2 teaspoon of dried oregano
- 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper

Directions :
1. Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add potatoes, and cook until tender but still firm, about 12 minutes. Drain, and set aside.

2. In a large frying pan, heat up some oil, and add in the onions. Give the onions a few stirs before adding in the potatoes.

3. When the potatoes are slightly browned, add in the salt, dried oregano and black pepper. Cook for a few more minutes then take it off the fire. Cover to keep warm.

Then from here onwards, you can decide if you want to eat it that way, or to scramble some eggs like I did. For the eggs, I added some garlic salt and black pepper as it cooked.

Quick and Easy Chicken Noodle Soup

Oh, yes. Once again, the selected recipe has the word "easy" in it. And this time is accompanied with another of my favourite recipe word "quick". So, I wasted no time in planning to cook this dish on this evening, since the original plan of cooking for the family was cancelled due to busy schedules of 3 out of the 7 members.

Anyway, I made a few changes to the original recipe. Instead of only using 1/3 cups of onions, celery and carrots, I used almost 1 cup for each of them. And following the reviews of others from the website, I sauteed the vegetables in minced garlic before adding the stock and uncooked chicken. As you can also see from the picture, I had used macaroni instead of noodles. And I also cooked the macaroni separately before adding into the pot of cooked vegetables to simmer.

Quick and Easy Chicken Noodle Soup (from : allrecipes)

4 servings

Ingredients:
- 2 teaspoons butter
- 1/3 cup chopped onion
- 1/3 cup chopped celery
- 3 (14.5 ounce) cans chicken broth (you can do your conversion here)
- 1 (14.5 ounce) can vegetable broth
- 5 ounces chopped cooked chicken breast
- 1 cup egg noodles
- 2/3 cup sliced carrots
- 1/4 teaspoon dried basil
- 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
- salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
1. In a large pot over medium heat, melt butter. Cook onion and celery in butter until just tender, 5 minutes. Pour in chicken and vegetable broths and stir in chicken, noodles, carrots, basil, oregano, salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 20 minutes before serving.

Easy Chicken Cacciatore

Honestly, when I first saw the title of this recipe, it was the word "easy" that caught my attention, not the unfamiliar "Cacciatore". It was such a simple recipe that I didn't bother to check out what "cacciatore" meant until I started on this entry.

Anyway, from the picture, it already showed what an easy dish this is. Come to think of it, the end product looks more like a chinese dish rather than something from the west. It also looks like something my Mum could whip up anytime, even without a recipe. But anyhow, being a novice in cooking, I dutifully followed the recipe, worried that something might go wrong, even for a dish that looks this simple.

Maybe the ingredient that made the difference of east and west for this dish is the addition of the dried oregano. I believe the dish will be good even without the dried oregano, but with its addition, it kind of make it more "westernised", and it actually goes quite well with all the other ingredients.

As I read the reviews from other readers about this recipe, I wanted to make it with more sauce so as to go better with white rice, but my chicken stock had expired. So maybe for the next time, I'll try to add some chicken stock to it, as suggested by the reviews. The husband will most likely also point out the lack of sauce coz he's the kind who will "drown" his rice in whatever sauce available.

Easy Chicken Cacciatore (from : allrecipes)

2 servings

Ingredients:
- 1/3 cup chopped onion
- 1 clove garlic, chopped
- 1/3 cup chopped green bell pepper
- 3/4 pound chicken meat, cooked and cubed
- 1/2 cup whole peeled tomatoes
- 1/2 cup green beans (I used french beans)
- 1/4 teaspoon dried oregano

Directions:
1. In a large skillet, saute onion, garlic and bell pepper until soft. Add chicken, then stir in tomatoes, beans and oregano.

2. Reduce heat to medium low and simmer for 8 to 10 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and serve hot.